** PRESS RELEASE ** [Rough draft, not ready for release - W.P.]
The Paine Principle Group, LLC is pleased to announce the promotion of,
and acceptance by, Alexander P. Burgess to the position of Chief Operating Officer effective immediately. This position was previously unfilled.Mr. Burgess has had a formidable presence in SL for the past 15-23 years [H.R. to confirm prior to press release - W.P.], whereby prior to that time he served in numerous other non-political, non-profit, high profile institutions, in which he was always commended for his hard working efforts and perfect attendance record.
Recently, Mr. Burgess has undertaken the challenging and exigent role as Chairman of the Leviathan Artists Group, occupying the role of head of the Leviathan Studios® machinima productions subsidiary - of which The Paine Principle Group, LLC is a majority shareholder in that endeavour. His participation in the production of the critically acclaimed "Met A Stranger®" Series has earned him numerous accolades in the film and printing industry, as well as at home. Mr. Burgess, COO will continue his critical role with the M is for Myg Foundation.
While the tenacity and willingness of Mr. Burgess, COO to succeed at all costs has seemingly alienated some of his former colleagues, it is this strength upon which we place full confidence in his leadership and direction. Also, rumours of his impending promotion and subsequent advancement over those with far more seniority and personal hygiene have caused production shortages, walkouts and at least one documented two-hour hunger strike, we see no consequential disruption to meeting our client's ultimate goals. [Can we have someone rewrite to see if we can put a positive spin on this, somehow? - W.P.]
The Paine Principle Group, LLC would also like to publicly announce that reviews for pending changes to the Chief Financial Officer, Chief Technical Officer and Chief Marketing Officer positions will be forthcoming, as well as positions on the Board of Directors.
The Paine Principle Group, LLC is a privately held conglomeration not currently trading on the World Stock Exchange (WSE). Solely owned subsidiaries include media giant The Inside Scoop® and a majority shareholder stake in Leviathan Studios®. The Paine Principle Group, LLC is licensed to do business in all Mainland regions and 42 privately held Islands. Annual income, minus dividends, buybacks, stock splits and tax withholdings for the previous two years before incorporation and after amortization is equal to or less than L$0, or $0 USD. Calculation may vary depending on market strength, but probably not.
20 comments:
OK, who wrote this tripe? I want them in my office, right now! Strike that, I want them fired and expunged from corporate history. I had that middle initial officially removed from my name at the end of the 80s. However, you did get my SL history correct; in fact, I put the bug in Rosedale's ear about the whole metaverse thing years before Stephenson had an inkling of Snowcrash, and well ahead of that Gibson guy's confused scribblings. In fact, I think both of them have been ripping me off. Can I get someone in here to sweep my office for bugs?
'Chief Marketing Officer'. Does that pay in Neko-males or cookies? :D
Not sure - but as Chief Technical Officer, you could decide on your own pay. ;-)
*grabbing Wrath by the suit jacket lapels*
Wrath! Snap out of it! You're recreating your RL in SL. What's up with that?
Technical? *grins* *Should I cut the red or the green wire... Hmmm..* Ow, yes, I'll take that one, then! :p
Zoe, the day I run a multinational business with limitless employees and absolutely no budget restraints all while never making a profit in RL - THAT'S when you can shake me and wake me up, hehe.
Meanwhile, I must go see about Vint as I am afraid all of her power and authority has gone straight to her head. sigh.
allrighty then, I just worry when people get all RL on me.
Meanwhile, I must plan my new life as a land baroness.
You definitely want a computer guy as "Chief Technical Officer", right? Well, here I am.
And I will gladly accept payment in the form of female nekos in combination with cookies.
Okay, who let Connolly into the board meeting?
Look, Zoe, I *know* operations is your thing, but I got this position fair and square. Okay, maybe just square. But that's neither there nor over there, it's here. I told you I'd vouch for you as Sec'y of Defense; you repay me with this? And just because you keep having these dreams about some "RL" thing doesn't mean you have to force the rest of us to listen to your twisted fantasies.
Wrath, give this woman a job. Now. Wait, I can do that. Zoe, you're hired.
Just wanted to say I'll do whatever it takes to get the job done and the and to see some end results. *grins*
Alex,
Thank you, I humbly accept the position and will cover the night shift on behalf of the company. I'll be there for the night owl types and all the Aussies and Kiwis out there.
I'll do anything that Vint does AND add some cookies!
(ehh, wait, maybe not ANYTHING ... but nearly)
Look at yourselves! You've all gone mad thinking about all that power! Don't make me put a hiring freeze into effect. Meanwhile, we'll work on creating new positions so everyone can have more of nothing to do all day/night. :-)
My title should be "Vice President of Australasian Development" also known as "The Night Manager"
Right. Because the janitor already gave himself that "Night Manager" title, for which we apologize, Miss Connolly, VP of AD.
;-)
Oh!
So if the Night Manager is cute, smart, and funny, he reports directly to me, right?
This is almost as entertaining as the SLelections....
... and even more fictional.
;-)
PP, LLC - Now improved with extra levels of unreality!
Ahhh too bad, I was going to apply for President of Multi Media...
So many mediums so little time....
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