(See also: Official SLelections 2007 Website)
(Previous SLelections 2007 updates: Here and Here and Here)
It's just another political Monday around the offices of The Inside Scoop®, but let me tell you, they were far from ordinary. No, see, we were planning to run a scoop with interviews of your favourite (okay, all of them, really) candidates, but that assignment was not completed by deadlines. Why? Well, it appears that there was a sighting of a non-descript white van parked across the alley of The Inside Scoop® headquarters for most of the weekend, and our newbie temp staff employees were too afraid to venture out for a Starbucks®, let alone campaign information. So, we do apologize, and just as soon as those four staff members start answering their cell phones, or showing up at their front door, or contact friends or family members, or are ever heard from again, trust us, they will be severely reprimanded and by that we mean, no drinking from the water cooler - it's straight tap water out of the bathroom faucets for those employees! We deal with insubordination swiftly and justly around here, mark our words.
Oh, as for the rumours that their disappearance had anything to do with the former candidate Zoe Connolly's reported incident (which we hear is under control, anyway), or the existence of an alleged hidden camera video tape of a leading candidate caught in a compromising position with the campaign manager of a close rival, well, as much as you know we'd LOVE for any of that to be true, we have nothing to go on just yet. But you'll be the first to know.
Let's do the rundown...
Here is an alphabetical list of currently known applicants, with updated information:
- Andromega Volare :: Status - Active (Latest news) Campaign poster!
- Bella March :: Status - Active (Latest news) - Official announcement!
"Your World. Your Imagination. Vote Freedom. Vote Bella." So simple even we can understand. If only we weren't distracted. Have you seen Ms March's campaign poster? We hate to say it, but her great-great-grandmother was hawt! True, we have yet to meet Ms March or see much of her (not for lack of peeping and trying), but if her grandmother was running, well... you know.
- Dolmere Talamasca :: Status - Active (Latest news) - Position Paper!
- Erbo Evans :: Status - Active (Latest news) Radio spot!
What can we say about this candidate folks, that he hasn't already said himself. We now know who the big money maker is this campaign season, as the campaign contributions must be coming in from all directions (except left - Ed.) for Mr Evans - thee very first radio spot we've heard getting airplay, not too mention a new billboard for every rebuttal his press team releases. We have to ask ourselves, can anyone working this hard for the job... have anything left once the term begins? And will that hair gel hold up under pressure? We're staying tuned, you should too.
- Iron Plato :: Status - Active (Latest news) Official announcement!
- Raul Crimson :: Status - Active (Latest news) Official announcement!
- RedDawn Bade :: Status - Active (Latest news) Official announcement!
- Rejeanne Cannoli :: Status - Active (Latest news) Campaign poster!
- Romana Wei :: Status - Active (Latest news) War on Danger!
- Samantha Poindexter :: Status - Active (Latest news) Official announcement!
- Shoshana Epsilon :: Status - Active (Latest news) Campaign poster!
- Tateru Nino :: Status - Active (Latest news)Official announcement!
- Tiana Merriman :: Status - Withdrawn
- Tiessa Montgolfier :: Status - Active (Latest news) The Hummingbid Address!
- Tyffany Flintoff :: Status - Active (Latest news) Press release!
Okay, the bigger news here is not so much the press release her public relations committee put together to rebut some of the other leading candidates, no, my friend. We stand here today to tell you that Ms Flintoff has released another campaign poster!! People, she wants you to put yourself in her hands - why are you still sitting here reading this??!
- Timothy Lilliehook :: Status - Active (Latest news) Official press release!
- Vint Falken :: Status - Active (Latest news) Family Values!
Perhaps second only to Mr Evans in the race for largest campaign contributions, Ms Falken has released not one, but three (1, 2 and 3) new ads this week, focusing on Family Values this time. While we confess to not previously knowing Ms Falken's stance on that controversial issue, we would like to take this time to officially announce that we are not the baby daddy. Err, father. Those children in those ads do not look like us. At all.
- Zoe Connolly :: Status - MIA (Latest news) GBI involved!
And who couldn't help but notice this week's anti-campaign slogan being run by the Kean Kelly group, with their "Don't Vote - Create!" anti-political message. We at The Inside Scoop® have already noticed many billboards being altered to read "procreate" and that actually makes more sense to us, after viewing those ads. Which just happen to be hanging on every wall of our office space at the moment, ahem.
That's all the news for now, until someone makes up some more....
The Inside Scoop® - Where no news, is news to us.
DISCLAIMER: We can't be serious.
(Previous SLelections 2007 updates: Here and Here and Here)
It's just another political Monday around the offices of The Inside Scoop®, but let me tell you, they were far from ordinary. No, see, we were planning to run a scoop with interviews of your favourite (okay, all of them, really) candidates, but that assignment was not completed by deadlines. Why? Well, it appears that there was a sighting of a non-descript white van parked across the alley of The Inside Scoop® headquarters for most of the weekend, and our newbie temp staff employees were too afraid to venture out for a Starbucks®, let alone campaign information. So, we do apologize, and just as soon as those four staff members start answering their cell phones, or showing up at their front door, or contact friends or family members, or are ever heard from again, trust us, they will be severely reprimanded and by that we mean, no drinking from the water cooler - it's straight tap water out of the bathroom faucets for those employees! We deal with insubordination swiftly and justly around here, mark our words.
Oh, as for the rumours that their disappearance had anything to do with the former candidate Zoe Connolly's reported incident (which we hear is under control, anyway), or the existence of an alleged hidden camera video tape of a leading candidate caught in a compromising position with the campaign manager of a close rival, well, as much as you know we'd LOVE for any of that to be true, we have nothing to go on just yet. But you'll be the first to know.
Let's do the rundown...
Here is an alphabetical list of currently known applicants, with updated information:
- Andromega Volare :: Status - Active (Latest news) Campaign poster!
- Bella March :: Status - Active (Latest news) - Official announcement!
"Your World. Your Imagination. Vote Freedom. Vote Bella." So simple even we can understand. If only we weren't distracted. Have you seen Ms March's campaign poster? We hate to say it, but her great-great-grandmother was hawt! True, we have yet to meet Ms March or see much of her (not for lack of peeping and trying), but if her grandmother was running, well... you know.
- Dolmere Talamasca :: Status - Active (Latest news) - Position Paper!
- Erbo Evans :: Status - Active (Latest news) Radio spot!
What can we say about this candidate folks, that he hasn't already said himself. We now know who the big money maker is this campaign season, as the campaign contributions must be coming in from all directions (except left - Ed.) for Mr Evans - thee very first radio spot we've heard getting airplay, not too mention a new billboard for every rebuttal his press team releases. We have to ask ourselves, can anyone working this hard for the job... have anything left once the term begins? And will that hair gel hold up under pressure? We're staying tuned, you should too.
- Iron Plato :: Status - Active (Latest news) Official announcement!
- Raul Crimson :: Status - Active (Latest news) Official announcement!
- RedDawn Bade :: Status - Active (Latest news) Official announcement!
- Rejeanne Cannoli :: Status - Active (Latest news) Campaign poster!
- Romana Wei :: Status - Active (Latest news) War on Danger!
- Samantha Poindexter :: Status - Active (Latest news) Official announcement!
- Shoshana Epsilon :: Status - Active (Latest news) Campaign poster!
- Tateru Nino :: Status - Active (Latest news)Official announcement!
- Tiana Merriman :: Status - Withdrawn
- Tiessa Montgolfier :: Status - Active (Latest news) The Hummingbid Address!
- Tyffany Flintoff :: Status - Active (Latest news) Press release!
Okay, the bigger news here is not so much the press release her public relations committee put together to rebut some of the other leading candidates, no, my friend. We stand here today to tell you that Ms Flintoff has released another campaign poster!! People, she wants you to put yourself in her hands - why are you still sitting here reading this??!
- Timothy Lilliehook :: Status - Active (Latest news) Official press release!
- Vint Falken :: Status - Active (Latest news) Family Values!
Perhaps second only to Mr Evans in the race for largest campaign contributions, Ms Falken has released not one, but three (1, 2 and 3) new ads this week, focusing on Family Values this time. While we confess to not previously knowing Ms Falken's stance on that controversial issue, we would like to take this time to officially announce that we are not the baby daddy. Err, father. Those children in those ads do not look like us. At all.
- Zoe Connolly :: Status - MIA (Latest news) GBI involved!
And who couldn't help but notice this week's anti-campaign slogan being run by the Kean Kelly group, with their "Don't Vote - Create!" anti-political message. We at The Inside Scoop® have already noticed many billboards being altered to read "procreate" and that actually makes more sense to us, after viewing those ads. Which just happen to be hanging on every wall of our office space at the moment, ahem.
That's all the news for now, until someone makes up some more....
The Inside Scoop® - Where no news, is news to us.
DISCLAIMER: We can't be serious.
6 comments:
Dear Wrath
Your even handed coverage of this election is most refreshing and I'm sure democracy is served by you giving a fair nod to the many lesser candidates.
Rather than spreading yourself too thinly and trying to cover the also rans, might I suggest you devote your available interview time to the one or two serious contenders?
While I hate the word junket, a Flintoff-funded, expenses paid excursion to my campaign headquarters in Australia for some personal interaction with myself may tease you out of your white van threatened office (I use black vans so it wasn't me). I'm sure your readers are waiting breathlessly for your first hard hitting interview and a simple note to my staff via my blog will secure your first class travel to the antipodes.
Of course, should you prefer instead to have some personal interaction with Erbo I'm sure he'll mail you the train fare.
Wow, has the bar ever been set high, now!!
As if we weren't impressed first by promises of oatmeal raisin cookies, only to be outdone by offerings of vanilla ice cream, but this... well, this takes the cake. (Will there be cake? - Ed.)
First class travel to an exotic locale solely for the purpose of a candidate's interview??
That's just how serious this Governor's race is becoming, folks. If you're not in it to win it, then you might as well be working for The Inside Scoop® because these candidates are now playing hardball. Things might start to get ugly around here, and we cannot wait.
Meanwhile, where did we put our sunscreen and Speedo, hmmmm......
its great to see everyone participate so much.i'm having a great time reading all these articles. now if only i could bring back the funny into my cult i could post funy things using it XD oh well... keep it up everyone! and great job wrath ^^
Ehh, ok ... how can I compete with that, having only a simple beach hut?
...Money? *checks purse* No!
...Presents? *re-checks purse* No!
...Travels? *see above*
Donations, anyone? Pleeeeze? *puts on poor kitty look*
I am telling ya, Timothy, it's a dog eat dog world out there in the political scene at the moment - just be glad you're a Neko!
While The Inside Scoop® obviously cannot act as anyone's campaign manager, it would appear to us that one proven fundraising strategy is to sell baked goods. Cookies seem popular. Or hold an ice cream sale.
Or surely you know some Neko girls with swimsuits willing to hold a carwash to raise money for you?
Heck, we'd buy a vehicle just for the cause.
;-)
*PERKS* Did someone mention Nekos?
*Purrs*
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