Wrath Paine in: The Inside Scoop® - SLelections 2007 Coverage

(Most recent updates located HERE)

(See also: Official SLelections 2007 Website)

Oh, it's on.

Sure, maybe SecondLife Insider reported on the story first, but we all know who's coverage will rock the hardest.

Election fever has hit SL and is taking it by windstorm. We here at The Inside Scoop® think it's safe to say there will be no shortage of choice candidates for this year's SLelection 2007, but who to vote for?

Sure, you could just vote for the sexiest candidate. But that might not even really lower your choices in candidates by one, even. Voting for best dressed or most popular isn't going to help much, either.

Perhaps we really do need to look at where each candidate stands on important issues? Yawn, boring, not our particularly favourite flavour of news/gossip, but okay, if it helps any.

We haven't reached the primaries yet, but several candidates are clearly making a strong showing already, so here's a brief synopsis in alphabetical order.


- Dolmere Talamasca :: Higher taxes? Muzzled babies? Erosion of civil liberties? If these are some of the things you feel are missing in your SL experience, then Dolmere's your candidate! Finally, one politician we can actually see through - literally! Visit his campaign headquarters to learn more. And remember kids, "A vote for the undead proves you're wrong in the head." Booyah, Dolmere style.

- Erbo Evans :: Who is this up and comer in the political arena? Let alone, the blogosphere? Look at the sharp and polished made-for-politics suit and tie, and that news anchorman perfectly coiffed hairstyle - oh, we're not dealing with an amateur here folks, not by a long shot. This is politics as smooth as it gets. Why, if incumbent Gov. Phil Linden had an alt running in this election, he'd want it to be in the form of Erbo Evans. With a theme song taken straight from a tv show (Happy Days, hollah!) and promises of safer sims, fewer taxes and less corruption, how can you not vote for the one with the slogan: "You can believe me, because I’m always right, and I never lie!" Ah, truer words in politics have never been spoken. God bless this great SL land we live in.

- Romana Wei :: Okay, sure, their campaign slogan is "Wei '08" even though this is SLelection 2007, maybe they know something we don't? Which is most likely, but anyway. Besides, by their campaign street team's own admission, the slogan "Free blow jobs for all" had already been taken, so you can't really blame them. By far the best campaign platform we've discovered, that's right, Wei 2008 declares WAR ON DANGER! And we here at The Inside Scoop® could not agree more - danger is bad! It must be stopped. Can Wei stop it? You better you bet we sure hope so. We also tend to believe this might the one candidate most likely to suffer a minor 'wardrobe malfunction' during a live press conference, so you know The Inside Scoop® will be on hand for that coverage, or lack thereof.

- Tiana Meriman :: And the candidates just keep getting better looking all the time! SLelections 2007 welcomes a representative from the PATH party, which as far as we can tell, stands for the Puritans And (more) Than Holy party. I think their press release report says it all: "Here at the PATH we believe in our holy god that is Linden!" Ah, we sure do love blind adulation at it's finest. For those of you not familiar with the beliefs the PATH party was founded on, a brief synopsis: "Our parties believe that thru wild, horny, dirty sex, we can reach enlightenment and so become smarter and more spiritual." Look at that, before we even finished doing the research, half of the staff of The Inside Scoop® actually just got up and ran out of the building to go vote - and elections aren't even until July 1st! Now that's hawt.

- Vint Falken :: An interesting candidate prospect, as we're still not sure if she will officially enter the race or not. But you know how The Inside Scoop® loves a good spoiler, so we're going to report on it here first. Although every indication is she is hard at work planning a campaign slogan. And a matching outfit. Our sources for The Inside Scoop® reveal the campaign platform could be based on any or none of the following themes: ‘Dancing cows are broadly offensive!’ ‘Do not censor my life, pretty please!’ or ‘Keep your hands off my guns!’ There has been no solid confirmation that 'Belgian Waffles kick the ass of French Toast' was considered as a possible platform option.

- Zoe Connolly :: ZOMG is it really... could it be... Yes! We have confirmed - the Inworld Rezzolutionary Party leader herself is running for the SL Governor position! Shocking! We here at The Inside Scoop® cannot recall the last time an official IRP candidate ran for a public political office, but we know it's going to be interesting. You are aware of what the IRP supports, aren't you? Gun, Buns and Fun in the sun. And they are dead serious about those issues, trust us. What does the IRP oppose? Griefers, Sneakers and Speakers, of course. We wanted to get a one-on-one personal interview with Ms Connolly, but her Girls with Guns with Glasses® swarm of bodyguards prevented us from getting close enough. We're still hopeful to settle for a two-on-one interview with her, if we can find a cute Neko female reporter temp to work on this story with us.

So, there you have it, as of this hour, some of the latest gubernatorial candidates we have found so far. More likely to come, so stay tuned as The Inside Scoop® goes behind the scenes to dish the dirt and more. And visit the official SLelections 2007 website for more details.

Disclaimer: This is political satire, people. It's not real. Save your Abuse Report trigger finger for something legitimate, like lagging casino scripts or talking pregnant baby bellies or boots attached to the ass after teleporting. Those are things that are offensive and real. Linden Labs® and Second Life® officially do not recognize this election. Unfortunately.